Never growing up is sounding like a great option…

I’ve discovered that the best nights out in Europe usually include several or all of these things:

-Sprinting to make the train

-Missing the train

-Stealing beer steins from restaurants or bars

-Making random friends

-Someone peeing on a sidewalk or an inappropriate place (not me though)

-Cheeseburgers or some other fattening food

-Someone in the group getting to flirt or make out with someone

Katy and I took advantage of Meilen’s cute little pubs Friday night and visited the Restaurant Bahnhof. The walk there is hilarious, because there’s a creepy display of clowns that move and flip around and smile eternally in the window of a small shop. We ordered zwei bieren and proceeded to take a seat at the bar area. A really old woman sat near us and then started to talk to us in German. The man behind me started translating and then started speaking Italian to us. We kept up tipsy conversation until I realized that I had told this old woman about three times that I live in Meilen and I’m an au pair. Our server came by to check on us and she translated for the lady.

“Where do you live?”

“Oh. We kind of told her like five times….?”

“She forgets after about five seconds. She lives in this building on the top floor.” Wink.

So I tried to get Katy to have light fun and to tell the lady different things every time, but she told her the same thing. After two beers each Katy and I decided to buy another to go and to get on home. We dubbed our new friend Magda and said we’d be back some time soon. At home, we chatted with meine liebling for a bit and then went to sleep.

Saturday was a big day… LAUSANNE! We began the journey right: Migros coffee and groceries. Realizing we only had about three minutes before the train arrived after picking up coffee, apples and chocolate rice cakes, we took the natural course of action and went to buy a purse. Sprinting to the train, I was depressed by how fast Katy could run and how I almost made us miss the train by being a slowpoke. No time to buy a ticket to the HB… we would wing it. I have only been audited four times on the train since I arrived in Switzerland, and thankfully I had a ticket each time. We were not audited on the way to the HB… I would survive another day.

We took the 9:30 a.m. train to Lausanne, planning to at least visit the Olympic Museum. Upon arrival, we went to the train station’s bathroom and paid two francs each for the privilege of peeing in their toilets. There are many, many public restrooms in Europe that you must pay for… it’s annoying but at least you know they’ll be clean. My toilet didn’t flush so I walked to the sink,  where Katy told me to stock up on toilet paper, since we paid two freaking francs and we’d better get our money’s worth. While stuffing my bag with toilet paper, the bathroom monitor tapped me on the shoulder and spoke to me in French (Lausanne is a French-speaking city).

And this is what Katy saw: Cleaning lady leads me into a stall and Katy hears “No! I don’t want to do that! You can’t make me! Katy let’s leave now!” Later, Katy would tell me she was glad I wasn’t molested.

Apparently there are certain things you don’t put into a toilet in Switzerland and you don’t flush them, and cleaning ladies will try to give you gloves and order you to put that thing in a trash bag and into the trash can. And apparently, I will refuse. Fuck that, I paid two francs, and you can take it out of the toilet and put it in a trash bag if you’re so keen on it.

I would like to point out we were still stone-cold sober that morning.

On to the Olympic Museum, but not until we stopped at a pirate-themed restaurant… ahoy, mateys. Two beers each and a salad for me… and frog legs for Katy. Yes, frog legs. Ugh! I have a freakish aversion to frogs, but I had to have a bite. Ugh. I sum up that restaurant as a waste of money… but at least I got to try frog legs.

The Olympic Museum was really cool! Katy and I sat through two videos: one of the history of the revival of the games (by Pierre de Coubertin in the 1800’s) and one purely of footage of the games. It was cool to see the history behind the games and to feel the message behind the Olympics. It really is an amazing thing to unite dozens of nations in peaceful competition. I love the way  the art and culture of the location has recently been emphasized. I was in China when they were getting ready for the games, and it was so exciting. Many, many people became more aware of Chinese culture and innovation when the Olympics took place in Beijing. (People also gave a lot of notice to the corruption going on there too.)

After the museum, Katy and I moseyed along the lakeshore and took photos of the beautiful city. The Zurichsee is beautiful in such a different way than Lausanne’s lake. I will try to add pics to this entry. Lausanne also has a castle, Oichy, but we couldn’t go inside it. We sat at a restaurant and had another beer while watching the beautiful lake and mountains. Always the best course of action.

It was about 5 p.m. and Katy and I were getting restless. We needed to catch a train after 7 in order to travel for free using the Gleis Sieben… so we went to McDonald’s and ate. Also always the best course of action.

On the train ride from Zurich to Meilen, Katy decided to make a friend of a frumpy, middle-aged woman named Delores… But might I add that we were no longer stone-cold sober.

We got home and talked to meine liebling on video chat (Kevin I miss you).

On Sunday, we awoke for pancakes and coffee. Nadine and Patricia had their last theater performance of the season, so Katy and I would attend. We took a brisk walk through Meilen first, then got ready for the play. Took the train to the HB to buy flowers for the girls and to eat kebaps. Scored major brownie points by showing up at the play, having flowers, and dressing nicely. YES!

Today Susi, Nadine, Patricia, Fabienne and I went to the Rapperswil Kinder Zoo and had a great time. There’s a playground where you climb several monkey bar contraptions to get to the entrance of a slide. It was such a great slide! The first time I tried it, I erupted in laughter at the end… oh, to be a kid again.

On the way home, Susi told me she would love for me to stay the rest of the year here. I was elated. I had hoped she would say that.

Now I sit here. I should be studying German but I never, ever do. I have some decisions to make. But I’m having fun here and I never want to grow up.

Ich möchte Deutsch sprechen

I was once an 11-year-old violin student, struggling to be the star my violin teacher wanted. Every week I would be greeted with a disappointed look if I had not practiced. I also never really got the hang of scales, which happen to be the backbone of almost every musical instrument. According to Renata Rozmus, I peaked around age 14, but continued to play until I was 21.

One week I decided to impress the hell out of Renata. I practiced my Kreutzer etude endlessly, the way Renata taught me, phrase by phrase and at a slow pace until I could speed up. When I played it for her, I effortlessly glided through each measure, topped it off with vibrato and finished (almost) perfectly. “Brava,” she said, eyebrows raised. Yes, I had done it- impressed Renata.

I want to do that with Christine in our German classes. I’ve fallen behind on my lessons, and I know she doesn’t get why I’m such an idiot when it comes to German grammar. But it’s really hard for me! However, this weekend I plan to study like a nerd until I’m as fluent as Susi says I am.

On the same note, I want to impress my host family. And… I want to prove to myself I can be amazing!

Tonight we’re all going out for Miriam’s birthday. She’s officially legal in her home country, Canada! I look forward to a fun weekend with amazing weather. Patricia and Nadine have theater performances Saturday and Sunday, so wish them “break a leg.” Fabienne’s birthday is Sunday, and P&N and I have been working on painting a mobile for her.

Lindsey, Marina, Katy and I are all booked for AMSTERDAM April 3-5! Rome is somewhere around April 16-20. LUGANO is March 28, since they have a chocolate carnival! Lugano also has cable lifts over the mountains. Paris is yet to be determined. And I’m waiting for my man to get to Europe before I go to Dublin.

Speaking of my man, it’s been three months with Kevin today and I couldn’t be happier!

Glossary of Important Switzerland People

Susi- Is my host mother. She is a wonderful and amazing woman. She raises three girls, cooks, does laundry, plays with the kids, loves her husband, and tells me random stories about her day. “Aha!” She will say. “I read in the newspaper that a 13-year-old girl had a baby the other day. Thirteen!!” or… “My friend decided to start yoga but she doesn’t like it.” However, sometimes I don’t feel like I’m getting full honesty from her because both times we had serious talks, I had absolutely no idea that I had been doing anything wrong. But I want to be friends with Susi because I recognize the fun person she is.

Kevin- Is my boyfriend who lives in Gainesville. He just started his master’s degree in civil engineering, and he also took on a position as a TA for an engineering class and he works part time for an engineering company. He’s completely wonderful and is worth waiting for when I move back home. He makes me want to be a better person and every night I wish I would wake up next to him the next morning. We video chat a lot, which makes him an Important Switzerland Person. His face shows up on my computer in my room very often.

Rene- Is my host dad. It’s a bit awkward with him because he doesn’t speak English as fluently as Susi, and also I have seen him mosey into the kitchen wearing undies. One time in Davos, I had to take a long walk with him and Fabienne, and I babbled the whole time to fill the spaces in between. But he drinks more espresso than even I, so he is cool. He taught me how to ski.

Patricia- Is 3 years old and can speak German, Swiss German and stunted English. She gets confused when I try to speak German with her; I think it’s because she doesn’t know how much German I know (not much). She loves hair. She loves to look at herself in the mirror and when she’s cranky she screams about nothing. But she is also sweet, and it’s really cute when she tries to explain things in English. She is very social and will talk to anyone. I don’t think she knows how much it hurts my feelings when she doesn’t want to play with me.

Nadine- is 5 years old and also speaks three languages, on my count. She is smart and thoughtful, and will spend 30 minutes drawing one picture. She’s very quiet and does this weird thing where she opens her jaw at random times. She also lets out pretty long farts. She is the only 5-year-old vegetarian I know. She’s really sweet but, like Patricia, can be pretty crazy. Also like Patricia, I don’t think she knows how much she can hurt my feelings.

Fabienne- Is 1 year old on March 15. She eats, poops, laughs, crawls, tries to walk, and cries. She’s a pretty sweet kid.

Katy- Is one of my very besties. I met her last August at Katie Wassink’s wedding shower in Gainesville. I met her once more in October at the wedding, and the whole wedding party became great friends during that time. I don’t know what I would do here without her. During the first few weeks, she slept over here almost every night and we drank and ate. I am so glad someone else loves eating and wine like I do.

Lindsey- Was on the same flight to Switzerland that I was on! I met her through Camey at my first Wednesday au pair meeting. She lives a five-minute walk away and I am so grateful to know such a wonderful friend. She’s always happy and cheerful, and I can talk to her about almost everything. Katy, Marina, Lindsey and I are a great foursome.

Marina- Is from Germany, and is here as a nanny/teacher. I think she tells the funniest stories and I love how she loves America. Because goddammit, I love America too.

Christine- Is my German teacher. She is quiet and kind. But I feel like an asshole when I don’t even know what page I’m on in the book during class. Perry used to serve as the buffer, the person who knew what was going on in class. I have no idea how to use “eine,” “kein,” and so on. I am screwed.

Grossmami and Grosspapi: Are Susi’s parents. We go to their house and eat lunch every Wednesday. The first time I went to Davos, Grossmami helped with the kids. I thought she was kind of crazy and loopy but she is actually pretty awesome. The first time I went to her house, she made sure to show me the best view on the balcony. Her English isn’t perfect, but I don’t know German, so we work with it. I think it’s really cute how she translates everything for me, because Susi forgets much of the time. Grossmami texts me sometimes. Grosspapi speaks very little English, but he tries. He’s super fun and silly.

Oma and Opa- Do not speak English. We go to their house every Tuesday for lunch. Patricia absolutely adores Oma, but I kind of want to be like… what about Grossmami? However, Oma and Opa are super nice. Awesome food and pie.

Meilen Mondays

Today is Monday, and I love them. Why? Because I feel like I actually bond with the kids. I take Patricia and Fabienne to Migros to play on the playground, eat croissants, drink juice and meet up with Lindsey and Fynn. We get home just in time for lunch and then the kids generally play with Susi before going to theater class. While Patricia and Nadine are in theater, I take Fabienne for another walk and she falls asleep – a.k.a. I have a small break. After theater, there’s a stampede of children who invade the Schneider house. Today I had an arts & crafts project waiting for Patricia and Nadine: take leaves and branches from outside and paint with them. They loved it, thankfully. Then we all made a pizza, which is always fun.

Now I am babysitting and the kids are all asleep. I’m taking time to unwind. This past week was pretty good. I measure “good” in that I heard “I love you” a few times from Patricia and Nadine, I kept them entertained, Susi was impressed by the snow globes we made, Fabienne was smiling a lot, German class went fine, I got to talk to my love on G-chat, my parents are doing fine and I’m accepting my plan for the next year or so.

The weather has also been sehr gut, and at times I can just wear my pea coat instead of my down jacket.

I am so exhausted. I think I’m going to sleep. Gut nacht….

Month Two in Switzerland

The weather is beautiful in Meilen, and it’s mesmerizing on days like this. I like to stand on one of the balconies and look at the Zurichsee, with the little Swiss towns on the other side, and shade my eyes with my hand to block the blinding glimmer from the lake. The Alps are to my left and the city of Zurich far to my right. Straight ahead is Horgen, where Katie Wassink was an au pair last year. She’s the one who got me interested in this wacko job.

Month two was easier in some ways and much harder in other ways. After my first month, my host mom sat me down and told me what to work on. I’m “messy, disorganized and sad.” Shocked, I had no defense. Ok, I will work on it, I told her awkwardly. Thank you for letting me know.

Then I visited Florida after five weeks of being here. When it was time to return to Switzerland, it was torture to step onto the plane. I was a cranky traveler the day Kevin dropped me off at the Tampa airport. When the Delta check-in woman brusquely told me my suitcase was 13 lbs over the weight limit and that it would cost $150 to keep it, I stared blankly at her until Kevin told her we’d figure something out. I turned around so she couldn’t see my face and started crying like a child. What an embarrassment. I had even told Katy I would bring stuff back to her, and I had to throw her under the bus and leave it with Kevin.

I slept in a depressed heap on the eight-hour flight to Zurich. The man who sat next to me didn’t talk much, and that was probably because I cried most of the time I was awake. Kevin’s note was tucked into my back jeans pocket, where he put it before sending me off. “Schatzle,” it began, “I know you don’t want to be leaving right now. Know that I am here waiting and I will keep on waiting.” There was more, but it’s private. Trying to cheer me up, he took a Delta luggage tag and wrote his address on it, along with “return to if found.” He fit the string around my wrist. I read that note and my Valentine’s Day card several times on the flight. I also peaked at a picture of us kissing, but it just made me cry more.

When I got to Zurich, I meandered through the airport and onto an S7 back to Meilen. I didn’t give a shit that I didn’t have a ticket to the HB or to Meilen. Let them audit me, even extradite me. I dragged my huge suitcase through the snow, up two steep hills and up a dozen stone steps to my apartment under the Schneider house. The family wasn’t even home to cheer me up- they were in Davos.

I arrived in Davos two days later. This is when I snapped out of the funk that gripped me. I had to let America go. My friends, my family, they could deal with it. I had to deal with the homesickness. Every au pair deals with it. I could not go home. I could not fail. There were reasons I came back. It was a big step to come back to Zurich, especially after I discovered things related to my host family while I was in the states. I could have easily stayed in Florida, especially since I knew as fact the Schneiders did not want me back. But I could not return home permanently without trying to prove them wrong.

While in Davos, I had no Internet connection and no way to talk to my friends and family back home. Being so cut off, in a place so gorgeous, forced me to accept Switzerland.

I know it took too long to adjust, but at least it happened. Now I take a run through the streets of Meilen in the mornings and pause at the dock, where the Zurichsee is majestically close to me. I meet with Lindsey at Migros for kid playdates. I say “Gruetzi” when I see someone I know. I say “genau” when I mean “exactly” and I say “doch” when I want to negate what you say. I string together sentences in German and hope they work. I tell Susi funny stories about my day and I enjoy hers too. I play tag with Patricia and teach the kids how to make snow globes. I’m here to be a great au pair, and I want to be here.

Most of what I’ve learned has to do with the very subject I want to earn a master’s in: international communications. When I confronted Susi about an urgent issue, she was blunt, slightly rude and nonapologetic. This was not the Susi I heard stories about from Krystle and Camey, this was more like the Swiss I knew as a whole. Swiss people, in general, don’t show their feelings very often and worry about organizing themselves. I want to think about this and try to explain it later, because it’s complicated.

Another communications issue is the language of kids. Camey told me kids are like peanuts- you can try to open one and shatter the shell, or you can do it carefully and crack it perfectly along the line. I’m not sure if this metaphor is so great, but I got the picture. It’s a walk over eggshells sometimes with these girls. I don’t want to crack them the wrong way (?) It’s a psychological game many times I want something done. I’m getting used to it, and I wouldn’t bother if I didn’t think these were great girls who deserve a great au pair. With kids, I had to accept that their feelings toward me will change and sometimes they will be bratty. Some days I’m an asshole. Everyone is. But it changes every day.

On Wednesday, Nadine freaked out and started crying because Susi told her she had to sit next to me. In German, Nadine wailed, “but I had to sit next to her at breakfast.” However, on Monday Nadine and Patricia fought over who would get the privilege to sit next to me. They both wanted to. Today, even though it is my day off, I followed them for about an hour while they took my hand and showed me secret surprises around the front and back yard. “I miss you. I love you,” Patricia said. “Yes, but silly, I saw you yesterday!” I replied. “And I love you too.”

I think I can handle this.

Month One in Switzerland

The first month in Switzerland can be compared to a 10k run: it hurt like hell but now that it’s over I’m glad I did it. And there are 11 more to go.

I arrived in Meilen, Switzerland, where Camey picked me up from the airport, or “flughafen.” I had never met her, only Facebook-stalked through her albums of being an au pair for the Schneider family during 2008. She greeted me with a hug, I greeted her with news that Swiss Airlines had lost my two suitcases. I tried to hide the anxiety that was racing through me: I moved to another country because I couldn’t find a job in journalism; I found an amazing guy named Kevin days before I left; I wasn’t sure if this was for me; and finally, my fucking suitcases were gone.

The next week was spent getting accustomed to the Schneider family and 30-degree weather. Camey was a great guide, and my first two nights out in Switzerland with other au pairs were appropriately crazy. My suitcases returned within 24 hours.

Snow fascinated me. Living in Texas for the first eight years of my life was eroded by photographs that take place of real memories. I don’t remember snow, I can only see pictures of me playing in it. For days, I gingerly poked at the frozen white powder, stomped on it, slipped on it, blew on it, tried to form it into snowballs, kicked it, nudged it, and finally grew tired of it. Snow is just white and cold… but it is magical.

Katy Dose, who was a bridesmaid with me in October, joined me in Switzerland on Jan. 8. She was to be an au pair in a neighboring town. The first time I saw her in Switzerland was after I missed two trains trying to meet up with her in Kusnacht and after 20 minutes of stressed-out crying in a train shelter. “KATY!” I yelled when I finally got to her. “Kim!” she replied. We hugged. For the past three weeks, we haven’t been separated for more than a few days.

“How is the family?”

“How are the kids?”

“How is the weather?”

“Are you homesick?”

“Is it cold?”

These are the most oft-heard questions from the past month. It’s Switzerland, what do you expect? It’s zero degrees Celcius most days, but I wear a down coat, scarf, gloves, hat and appropriate shoes. The cold is fine. It’s not the cold that is freaking me out. For weeks, I was constantly sick over whether the three girls liked me. Did the parents like me? Am I too loud at night? Is it ok that Katy spends most nights in the extra bed in my apartment? What would I do if Katy weren’t here? Am I really dating a guy across an ocean? Am I transatlantacizing?

The girls I am an au pair for are three of the most beautiful children I have ever met. But how could three sisters be so different? Patricia, 3, is social, bold, loud and fickle. Nadine, 5, is quiet, smart, sweet and shy – but impish. Fabienne, 10 months, has been crying a lot. It’s really worrying me. At first, it seemed none of them cared I existed. Nadine and Patricia called me “stupid cow” in German and I was constantly trying to tune into the Swiss German conversations that were taking place right in front of me at the dinner table. Every suggestion I made for games to play was shot down. When I asked simple questions – how are you? – I was eyed suspiciously and ignored.

That changed somewhat after three or so weeks. Nadine was sick and decided to nap on my lap for hours at a time. Yes! Victory was mine. She needed me. Then Susi, my host mom, took Patricia, Fabienne and I to the World Economic Forum in Davos last week. Patricia and I had made little progress in the last few weeks. Here was the test. We bonded through walks to the Bolgen Plaza restaurant, where hot chocolate and ’90s American music was featured. Grossmami, what we called one of their grandmothers, was with us the whole time.

I knew Patricia and I would be ok, somehow, someday, when suddenly she woke up in the middle of the night in Davos, while Susi was still working. She was shrieking, asking for her mom, covering her ears and hitting Grossmami, who tried to help. Grossmami took Fabienne to another room while I took Patricia’s face gently in my hands and told her she needed to stop. Now. This wasn’t ok, and Mami would be home soon. I picked her up and she did this thing where she plays with my hair and says “snip, snip!” I carried her to the kitchen and got her some water and asked if she was hungry. She said no. She hugged me and said “I love you.” I carried her back to her room and she asked me to sleep in her bed. I did until Susi got home 20 minutes later, and I went back to my room and reflected on the fact I was in another country with a family I barely knew.

The next day I thought constantly of leaving. I know everyone could tell I was not adjusting appropriately. I washed the dishes absentmindedly after dinner and thought of a conversation I had with Kevin right before I left for Davos.

“There must be a reason you’re staying, because you’re not home. So think of those reasons and you’ll be fine,” he said. Something to that effect.

As I rinsed another plate I looked up through the window over the sink. My breathe caught in my throat and I think a sound escaped from my mouth. As the sun was setting, its light filtered through intensely vivid green pines that were coated with frozen white snow. Clouds formed around the mountains that rose up casually in the distance. Light scattered off the clouds that made red and aqua blue. And it wasn’t just one mountain or 10 trees- Davos is a panorama of beauty and winter wonderland.

In Switzerland, all you have to do is look out a window to remind yourself why you stayed.